Welcome to January.

I can't be the only one who woke up on Boxing Day thinking 'oh shit, I have to get my life in order!' Can I?! I feel that is perfectly normal. 

I was panicking all day on the 26^th, listing all the things I had to do like, ASAP. Things like complete the fledgling first novel, queue up 10+ blog posts, read 20+ books...and also clear out my wardrobe, tidy up and tone down my hair, fill up my diary with awesome events, and maybe whack out my hardly-used aerobics step at least once a day from now on. The alarm bells were going off: it was time for a re-model, a re-think...a gosh-darned revival of ME. And it had to happen immediately.

I spent the empty, mind-numbing Limbo Days^TM (December 26^th – 31^st; I mean seriously, what do we do with those days except eat leftovers, watch endless films when they're shown on TV despite having the DVDs and/or Netflix, drink at lunchtime and just feel generally unusual and lost?!) planning out the 2016 Gracie; the girl who had no health concerns and no personal drama, the girl who could read four books in a matter of hours, the shimmering force of positivity, the soon-to-be-discovered legendary author, the girl who signs off emails with her blog URL and the name Gracie rather than boring old Grace...there was a lot to plan out and a lot to put into action.

Fortunately, I could palm off the grand reveal of the new me and all the work that came with it until...January. January was a magical faraway land full of promise and self-pride. Everyone was feeling it – friends, family, even strangers in the street, all of them buying indulgent products they weren't given for Christmas and making coffee dates in sparkling new diaries, oh yes. 2016 was set to be OUR YEAR, folks. I had my own reasons for thinking this, for actually jumping on board with the New Year New Me nonsense, but I did get swept up all the more in all the excitement surrounding me. Bring on January!

Well, here we are. January. *blows little kazoo*

Has anyone else felt their New Year hype die down lately? Or is that just me? It was suddenly squashed and packed away just the other day, I swear.

Again, I have my own reasons for feeling this way (my radiotherapy after-effects have finally caught up with me and I am tired all the damn time, like literally having four naps a day or just not even leaving my bed, such a buzzkill am I right?!) but it's not just me. Other friends have all told me that they're still feeling positive and optimistic as can be, however right now they're up against it. Why? I think I know why...

It's a January Hangover^TM!! Much like New Year's Eve itself, when the countdown finishes and you've all stopped singing drunkenly, arms linked, this anti-climax tidal wave hits you and it's really quite hideous. I'll admit I didn't get that this year, miraculously, because I was at a kick-ass party in London with some quality people, but still. I remember having that feeling every other year. I think it follows a pattern, y'know.

We have the sinking feeling after midnight NYE, then New Year's Day, the day of aimless hungover wandering questioning everything that's happening in your life; then the first week or so of January you are properly hyped and happy, excited for the promise of the year ahead. There's a slight blip on the radar which is going back to work...all my proper allegedly adult friends with 9-5 lifestyles went back on the 4^th January this year, and homies I was feeling for ya. I really was. In my favourite coffee shop. Having the best cake. Mmm.

Then of course when everyone makes it through the first week back at work they're doubly hyped and overjoyed; they celebrate and decide that they're off to a good start in this new year thing.

And then, slowly but surely, you realise that this new year thing is overrated and you're still the same person you've always been, just with a slightly better grip on reality and a fresher mindset. And hopefully a stronger urge to do fun things! For instance, I've decided to see one gig or theatrical thing every month (not a huge aim I know, but that would be more than last year!). Plus I've booked in (via the most excellent Jim, obvs) so many exciting book launches and events, oh my! I'll be blogging about each and every one of those... Also I'll be doing ALL of the writer-type work experience weeks, here there and everywhere! So yes, 2016 will be exciting and different, in the best way. I'll be different, too. Hopefully in the best way. Just right now I'm overcome with those muddled January feels...