A beginning.

~ January 2018 ~

‘So. It sounds like illness has dominated your life – been your definition, almost – for years. And now, you’re coming out of it, and you’re wondering...who am I?’ She says, putting the folder down and looking at me kindly over a pair of glasses. 

I give a shy smile. I can feel myself opening up, and I’m excited. ‘Yes, I think so.’

(Photo: Erin Veness)

Later, I sign myself out, I thank the receptionists, and I walk outside. The cool air hits me, and I pull my jacket tighter around myself, pressing my woollen hat down on my forehead. I stop as I do it, hold my head in my raised hands, I gasp, and cry. Just for a few seconds. I feel the enormity of what's about to happen, and how badly I need it. I wonder where I'll be in 10 weeks time. Somewhere better, I think. 

Then I straighten up, stick my chin out, and walk on. 

(Photo: Erin Veness)

~ I wrote this not long after my first counselling session, back in January. My 10 weeks of therapy ended in March, and just the other day when I was really struggling again, I was offered another slot with my counsellor - and I grabbed it. I'm still working on me. ~